I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
