before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Randomize