piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
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I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
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Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize