dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
