Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
