They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
