I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize