Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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