I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
