Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
