No stitches, just platelets and will power
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize