I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
