I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
