I wannas sexs uuuuu
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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