someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize