I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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