its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm really busy with my period
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