ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
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Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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