In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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