He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
