omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
