If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize