Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
