Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
