there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
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at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
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WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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