Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
