Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
