just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
