Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
