end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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