She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
