i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
