Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
