idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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