The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize