I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
