On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
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Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!