My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
