the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes