alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If I die, sorry about rent.