i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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