LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just forgot I was standing up.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
