I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize