the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
