All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
