i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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