Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
