Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So much rum. So many feels.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
