there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
