think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
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I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
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I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.