the condom got lost in my hair
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.