I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup