Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS