Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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