didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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