i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
