i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
